A Dialogue with Your Inner Child
This is the Third steppingstone of the second pathway in our journey towards awareness as we continue to learn how to unravel the depths of our dreams and discover their impactful nature.
If you have not already done so, please sign up to receive the four segments of the initial Mindfulness Pathway. Then continue on with this Letting Go Pathway having hopefully gained a better understanding of and connection to self, relationships, activity in repose, and the natural world.
Before reading below also consider spending some time experiencing Building a Support System, as it is the second steppingstone of this Letting Go Pathway. This article is assistive towards being able to form trusted and tangible relationships on our journeys. It is a very helpful supplement to this subject, and I believe it to be a reliable walking stick to take with us on our travels.
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10 MINUTE READ
Many of us carry traumatic wounds from our childhood with us into adulthood and unawares we may even continue to revisit them at times. This happens by way of our triggers, insecurities, mindset, and actions. Through the acknowledgement of our wounds, we can begin a worthwhile journey towards healing. However, if we ignore our pains then they will forever remain an albatross that inflicts upon us feelings of shame and helplessness.
It is understandable that we may sometimes find it more tolerable to ignore the existence of this part of ourselves, as well as the control that it wields. Becoming so used to how things are many of us would rather subconsciously carry the weight than step fully into the unknown and face our demons in search of a better way.
We often make this choice on the surface to placate ourselves based on the old age adage of the devil you know. However, the real truth that exists deep inside of us, that we do not discuss at social gatherings, is that we do not want to face our own miseries, nor do we want to go back. It is daunting and intimidating to bring those feelings, memories, and sorrows consciously into the present.
This is, however, an inevitable repercussion of making the choice to connect to and communicate with our inner child. Afterall, that child was left in the past and it is there that they still “live”. Self-awareness opens the door to us being able to embrace our hidden parts so as to learn from them, accept them, and then release what holds us back in connection with them, by finding the courage to feel the suffering born from our wounds.
In making an effort towards resonance we give the child within the stage. We give them a voice. We free them from their shackles. We offer them an opportunity to be seen and to finally tell us what they need for us to know. We do this by welcoming them and gently bringing them into our lives in the present and making sure they know that they are not alone anymore.
We offer protection by holding them close when our intuition tells us they need support, love, and nurturing. We give them and ourselves space by imagining them sitting next to us or in front of us or even across from the table when we need to understand something they are trying to express as we ask them questions. What is even more important is that we listen to their responses.
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Some of the questions I have asked my inner child:
What is it that you need?
Why is it that you feel the way you do right now?
How can I help you?
What am I not understanding?
Some of my own responses to my inner child:
I will take care of you now.
I will no longer allow anybody to hurt you.
You do not have to be afraid anymore.
Mistakes are fine and we all need them to grow.
I am so very proud of you no matter what.
The idea of perfection is not something that we should allow to exist between us.
Some of the things I learned working with my inner child:
I was desperate for her forgiveness because I was not able to protect her in the past.
Self-punishment is not the answer, patience and encouragement are what move us forward.
I needed to be the one driving the metaphorical bus and to help her to learn to trust me to be able to do just that.
I needed her to let down her walls and see that she does not always have to be in control, or constantly on guard, or saddled with being the caregiver and/or protector. She can just be a child.
I needed to help her to feel comfortable expressing her gifts and to open up to being able to experience creativity and spontaneity through me.
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Discovering and growing a heathy relationship with our inner child is absolutely beneficial for anybody who has experienced childhood trauma, but I consider it to be an absolute necessity for the traumatized Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). An HSP child that experiences poor parenting or nurturing in respect to their upbringing, as it pertains to their emotional and mental well-being, will have a very difficult time later on in life.
HSP’s must deal with the impacts of negativity forced upon them by their environment as well as their genetics. Causing them to take a hit from the standpoint of both nature and nurture. Research shows that HSP children exposed to continued less than fortunate childhood circumstances will go on to struggle deeply with behavioral issues, self-acceptance, and social problems for a very long time.
HSP’s, under these circumstances, will falter when it comes to authenticity, self-care, seeing their special abilities as gifts rather than weaknesses, and even being productive members of society in regard to all their trait can offer through them and out into the world. Unfortunately, HSP’s cannot just decide they are not going to be sensitive anymore. It does not work that way.
HSP’s do in fact want it to simply stop when times are tough. We do not want to take in everything that we take in or feel everything that we feel, or to be over stimulated by all of our pains. However, we cannot miraculously make our trait, or its associated burdens, disappear. So, we had better work on healing ourselves and learning how to cope with and then leverage the uniqueness of our trait for the long term and for the better. Working with our inner child is huge for HSP’s in being able to make this a reality.
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The past never fully leaves us. We always carry it with us in ways big and small, but it is the relationship that we have with it that empowers our ability to transform and become more than we otherwise would have been. We are constantly confronted with trials and struggles throughout experiences and situations as adults. These are opportunities waiting to offer us new perspectives and chances to deal with our past and unsettled grievances. There are many gifts waiting to be found here.
I remember a time, very early in my childhood, that I loved to be on stage. I loved to be in the spotlight, to speak out loud, to sing, to dance, to make people look, to make people smile, and to make people laugh. I did not care who was watching nor what they thought because I was “home”.
This essence of being became lost to me, but now each time that I move past something I find a little piece of it again. I have learned so much from the bonds I have formed with my intuitive self and my inner child. This all goes beyond the discovery of buried truths to taking responsibility for my choices made, as well as ownership of how I have decided to utilize all that was uncovered.
I came to terms with the fact that the little girl inside kept me from opening up so that I would never get hurt. I came to recognize that the little girl kept me from forming and keeping long lasting bonds so that I would never be exposed to disappointments. I came to understand that the little girl forever made it hard for me to be able to empathize with people who belittle or who act aggressive, mean, dismissive, manipulative, and/or selfish because she sees them as those that she fears the most and she does not want me to be exposed to such behavior.
Curiosity about all this helped me to put the pieces together, which allowed me to find compassion and then empathy, which permitted forgiveness in some cases and acceptance in others. Unraveling all this meant me taking full responsibility for what my life is now and owning it as such. It is very scary to admit that you are now fully in control of your own destiny when this very idea eluded you, for so many reasons, during the first half of your life.
Examine, with interest, the interloping voices that have become ingrained in your mind over the years. Over time, knowledge and truth will take away their power allowing those voices to fall away to just a whisper. Similar to a tree hundreds of years old falling in the forest. Its canopy now gone brings more sunlight to beam down on the soil. Saplings and new sprouts that never would have had a chance are born from this now newly lit foundation. The same as your inner voice so long buried deep in your shadowed foundations will now be able to break ground and finally be heard.
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Hints and tips to exercise along the way:
1) When trying to re-establish a link with the child you once were start by finding an old childhood picture of you, or if that is not an option perhaps a piece of clothing or a blanket or a toy or any object that you clung to or is representative of something you once clung to as a child. Anything at all that connects you back to your inner child on an emotional level.
2) You are the adult in this scenario, so it is very important for you to be the one to open the doors of communication and to guide the discussions. Explain to your inner child that you recognize that they have been waiting and that you are here now. Let them know that you are not leaving, and that they are safe.
3) Be patient and silent (we learned how to do this in our discussions regarding Mindfulness in the First Pathway). Listen and give your inner child the floor while helping them to feel supported along the way. Do not judge as there is freedom to be found in being accepted just as you are. A freedom beyond the physical.
4) Pay attention to the whys of what your inner child has to share. Let them know they no longer have to be on high alert, and that they can step out of the past and join you in the present.
5) This can be a painful path, but a necessary one to discovering inner peace. Reassure your inner child if the situation calls for it and always strive to consider your inner child as you grow and evolve and adapt to new and inevitable circumstances.
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Bibliotherapy is a decent place to begin and is defined as “the use of selected reading materials as therapeutic adjuvants in medicine and psychiatry; also, guidance in the solution of personal problems through directed reading”.
1) Examine the 25 Personal Bill of Rights and ask yourself if you have always considered yourself deserving of these rights? Have you embraced these rights for yourself and made them available for you to exercise in healthy ways? Do any of them hit a nerve? If so, you might ask yourself why?
2) Authors whose many works I have benefited from on this journey include Elaine Aaron (ex: The Undervalued Self), Paulo Coelho (ex: The Alchemist), Brene Brown (ex: The Gifts of Imperfections), and Kobi Yamada (ex: Trying). There are also so many psychology-based and different self-help genre works out there that might resonate.
3) Other successful names with many online resources attached that have so much to offer and many options for continued learning include Judith Orloff (ex: Celebrate Laughter), Bethany Webster (ex: About the Mother Wound) and Mari Kovanen (ex: The Father Wound).
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Dreamwork –
Establishing a link with your inner child is necessary to be able to then establish a link with your dreams. It also happens to be a very similar experience in that if you master one you are already on your way to mastering the other.
Do you know what your inner child wants and needs? Does he or she want to be seen? Does he or she want to be heard? Does he or she want to be considered?
Many times, our dreams will manifest the answers to these questions, and we should listen carefully to the stories that unfold.
Our dreams give us opportunities to see more of ourselves in a new light.
We need to connect to our own selves and our dreams on a welcoming and emotional level that allows for unrestrained expression and unique perspectives.
Dreams have the ability to teach us what we in fact NEED to know as the inner child is linked directly to our intuitive nature.
Working with our inner child teaches us to remove limitations in order to then be able to nurture forward growth and evolution as it also pertains to our dreams. It lends to us the ability to explore and connect to our joyful, free spirited, think outside the box, color outside the lines, creative selves.
This is important because imagination and unique/unapologetic thought is necessary for thorough and deeply impactful dream interpretations. You need to be able to think, see, and feel beyond the obvious.
Poetry is often dream-like, indirectly bringing things to the surface for acceptance and subsequent healing under an obscure canopy. Keeping with this sentiment, my poem, Her Grace, Luna, is a reflective supplemental read to re-enforce the ideas presented in this article using a different language, so to speak. Sometimes expressing something that is multifaceted through a different lens and under a different guise can open the flood gates in ways not yet realized or in ways that we never DREAMED possible.
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The next and final steppingstone in the Letting Go Pathway is JourNaling Your Journey and it will become available on my blog, Dawning Descent, in due course.
If you were moved by anything that I had to contribute here please contact me regarding your experience. I am excited to travel this path and learn along with you. I look forward to our communications.
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