Building a Support System
This is the Second steppingstone of the second pathway in our journey towards awareness as we continue to learn how to unravel the depths of our dreams and discover their impactful nature.
If you have not already done so, please sign up to receive the four segments of the initial Mindfulness Pathway. Then, continue on with this Letting Go Pathway having hopefully gained a better understanding of and connection to self, relationships, activity in repose, and the natural world.
Before reading below also consider spending some time experiencing Learning the Artform of Self-compassion, as it is the first steppingstone of this Letting Go Pathway.
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9 MINUTE READ
Some have been gifted with all the help and care necessary to support their healthy and independent journeys. To have been blessed with such a fate is something every single person is worthy of having. I hope those who have actually lived this experience recognize it as an everyday miracle and that they are truly grateful. Sometimes the wonderful things in our lives that have become commonplace or expected are so easy to take for granted. However, if we are mindful and show our appreciation, the impacts of these incredible connections can become that much more empowering.
Some people live their lives “supported” by others. In other words, there is usually somebody there to help with things big or small. For some, however, it is a turning point and a rough road ahead if they find that the path they have walked and deemed their own was never actually supported by those around them but rather decided and controlled by them instead. In these circumstances, the day may come when, despite those around us, feelings of loneliness, confusion, and regret will find their way to the surface.
The first thing to do when this time comes is to be accountable and focus on what we need to do moving forward, while not hold those around us in contempt. We should spend our time and energy loving ourselves more than we believe they deserve to be hated or to pay a penance. Understand that they may have done the best that they could. Understand that we all make mistakes and that we are no less responsible for our mistakes than they are for theirs. We need to feel compassion and even sorrow not only for ourselves but for them as well. We have to stand up to them and change OUR life, while not wasting time despising them or feeling ill will towards them in the process. Those feelings drain us and steal our clarity of mind. We would only rob ourselves of the new future now waiting for us to discover.
Either others will be willing to accept and respect the independent path we now choose to create and move forward with, and we will be able to develop a new relationship with them that is both healthy and one of quality on both sides, or we will do what is needed and find release by letting go. In doing so we are then gifted the opportunity to see to whom our new path guides us as we continue to learn and stay true to ourselves. Accepting that everything happens for a reason, no matter the road we have traveled, can bring forth a better understanding of ourselves in the long run.
Possibility exists no matter our trials. We do well to recognize that we must have learned something along the way, taken something from it, grown in some way because of it, even if it was never truly ours. Through such affirmation and tolerance maybe we can find a reason to believe that we will be O.K. It is never about how we start things it is about how we choose to end them. This is what defines us. We make choices and transform because of them. Inner strength and courage are the cornerstones of such moments in our lives.
Many people try hard to make their own way having spent a great deal of their lives alone in one way or another. Alone on the outside, alone on the inside, for them it makes no difference, the feeling is the same. This fate is the hardest to have been saddled with but the perspectives and meaning offered by overcoming such circumstances are without measure. We may hear what others do not and see what others cannot and feel what others dare not, in this there is a power and knowledge attained that may help us to change the world in ways big and small.
Perhaps that was the whole point of it all. Some of the people who have done the most to shape this world, who have left the biggest footprints in our foundations, who have cleared the most rugged of terrains for those who have followed have in fact themselves struggled the most with inner peace and a sense of belonging. It is interesting how people may often focus on the accolades presented into the world by someone, but they do not pay much mind to the story of the person who dispersed those accolades.
The impact of a human being’s laurels on others, how they resonate, and what they inspire should be observed with greater depth and perceptivity based upon that person’s own story and how their offerings came to be. The strength of interpersonal relationships is vital to the survival of the human condition. Sometimes we can be so disconnected. We are not bound to a state of loneliness and our suffering does not have to be without purpose if we fight to become more than what our origins bestowed upon us.
Have you ever felt forgotten or invisible in a sea of people? Have you ever felt that no matter how loudly you screamed nobody would hear? Even if you are lying on the ground and your legs feel numb, you can still always reach out your hand. When lost, keep looking around and eventually you will be found. Each time you take a step, each time you use your words, it will help you to feel a little less alone. Then, in the silence, your authentic voice will be heard. We all have the ability to shine bright, some just need to fight harder to overtake their darkness.
Whatever our personal experiences, as well as our own wisdom gained and the extent of our inner work, only we can know whether we should consider seeking advice and care from qualified medical professionals when building or even fortifying our support system. When making such an important decision please remember to take the time needed to be sure that you are comfortable with your choices.
Embrace and utilize your intuition to help guide your decisions and realize that you may need to change course one or more times to find the right fit for you. Always remember that it is worth it to go through this process and you should never apologize for that or feel discouraged along the way. For instance, if you are a highly sensitive person (HSP) with the trait of sensory processing sensitivity then you would want to work with healthcare providers that are familiar with and have done the research on this trait in order to get the most out of the relationships.
No matter our background or our choices, in order to create a beautiful garden, we are going to have to do some weeding along the way. This is both inevitable and necessary for success and for our garden to continue to thrive. There are always going to be those people in our lives who when we change, and step forward, are simply unable to follow and do not seem to have a place in this new world we are creating for ourselves. There is no shame in moving on in these situations and wishing the other well. This is sometimes especially difficult for HSP’s because we feel such guilt in letting people down and we are very sensitive to the discomfort felt when we tell people the word no and take action towards erecting necessary boundaries for ourselves by advocating for our own needs.
Walled gardens are very majestic with a unique and colorful story all their own. They have an undeniable balance and harmony about them. They harbor a fluidity of life that sprouts with abandon. There are those in our lives that are a part of our lives as dictated by circumstances but that does not mean we cannot erect personal boundaries and borders when needed in order to protect ourselves and thus allow our story to continue to unfold with hope and promise and without negative influences. We are our own gatekeepers, and we must stand guard.
Implementing awareness when solidifying relationships meant to sustain overall well-being:
1) Build relationships with like-minded people in your community.
a. Those who encourage positive, forward growth and change.
b. Those who are always willing to learn and remain open to new ideas and thoughts.
c. Those who are consistent and dependable.
d. Those who are willing to express honest vulnerability despite fears of judgement.
2) The right online communities are a place to start, or they may be supplemental, but either way they can be an excellent resource. An example would be the Sensitive Empowerment Community founded by. Dr. Julie Bjelland, a psychotherapist who specializes in working with HSP’s.
Hint: When searching for communities online remember due diligence to be sure they are safe environments that work towards positive change by embracing solutions rather than problems.
3) Recognize gaslighting in your personal and your professional relationships, even in its most subtle of forms. If you have not already, learn a little more about this important topic that impacts so many relationships worldwide. In discovering more on this topic perhaps you might even realize when you do it. Before we point the finger, we should always look at ourselves first. One article focusing on gaslighting that resonates well with me is found on the Highly Sensitive Refuge.
4) Remember that relationships are a two-way street. Equality of action and reaction on both sides is necessary. Both parties have to do the work and both parties must benefit. If you are the only one benefiting when you look at a situation honestly, then either respect the other person enough to make a change within or else respect them enough to cut ties just as you would hopefully do for them because they are just as deserving as you.
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Poetry is a powerful tool that can be used to indirectly bring ideas of value, discussed under the light of boundaries, to the surface in unexpected and surprising ways that allow for continued learning, as well as subsequent healing and/or relief. As such, my poem, The Ticking of the Falling Clock, offers interesting opportunities for resonance involving the interconnectedness and comparisons experienced around bounty and depletion within both the autumn season and humanity. This supplemental work emulates the story behind richness and hollowness crying out for awareness and balance within our depths.
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Dreamwork –
Are you discerning about those you allow into your authentic life? Have you considered why they are in your life and the impacts that they have?
Are the people you surround yourself with people you chose, or might they have been chosen by others?
Were the people you have chosen to connect with chosen based on how you want others to see you or based on who you honestly want to be?
As you have continued to evolve do you notice that your answers to these questions may have changed?
Considering these questions from the perspective of our dreams, you might come to realize that there are dreams we let in because they seem like something we should want and we push others away because we believe, or even wish, they did not fit.
If something is not working, different people may offer opportunities for you to better yourself and encourage new ways of thinking that may invite change. Step outside your comfort zone and you may actually find that you can be more comfortable in your own skin.
There are dreams we do our best to avoid because our intuition knows they might hold for us the most depth of unexplored meaning.
Making way for new opportunities means releasing all that no longer serves us, but our created walls do not have to separate, they can have as many windows or passageways as we choose. It is up to us to decide.
We can own our dreams, or they can own us.
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The next steppingstone in the Letting Go pathway is Opening up a Dialgue with Your inner Child and it will become available on my blog, Dawning Descent, in due course.
If you were moved by anything that I had to contribute here please contact me regarding your experience. I am excited to travel this path and learn along with you. I look forward to our communications.
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