Embracing Self-knowledge
This is the First steppingstone of the Fourth pathway in our journey towards awareness as we continue to unravel the depths of our dreams and discover their impactful nature.
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13 MINUTE READ
Self-awareness is something that needs to be cultivated, shaped, and practiced like any hobby, craft, or skill that we are passionate about becoming fluent in implementing, expressing, and understanding throughout one or many seasons of our lives. There is no end to the opportunities offered.
Interest in past times like ceramic making, home décor, coin collecting, martial arts, weight training, public speaking, gardening, cooking, painting, yoga, hiking, bird watching, crocheting, welding, camping, scuba diving, skiing, and pet fostering barely scratch the surface of what is out there. There are too many to even know as our world is full of infinite color.
Diversity and choice are chameleons, but the universal color that connects us all is emotion, the innate language of humanity. We choose and commit to our long-term pleasurable pursuits based upon affection, desire, fascination, wishfulness, and a deep longing. Whatever that cocktail is born from and however it finds its form is unique to the individual, but it will still always stem from those same intuitive beginnings for everyone.
We become passionate about the possibilities and intrigued by a sense of wholeness or resonance. But…
How often do we embrace self-awareness under this same canopy?
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What can we do to make intentional room for this in our busy lives? Afterall, we somehow find the time to become adept at other interests that present in our lives and manage to tickle our fancy.
Even for those of us who are cognizant of the betterment found within self-awareness, a percentage still struggle to keep it at the fore front and even more so, a larger percentage interestingly think that they are making it work, but we are so very good at deceiving ourselves.
We so often fail to pay attention to ourselves because we have this desire to back seat drive for everybody else. We always think we know what is best for everybody else first. This is because we have a need for control in this an unpredictable world.
When we try to control our own lives, we are faced with the harsh reality that life is going to happen no matter how stubbornly we try to hold on. We are always faced with bobbing and weaving, so it is somehow less daunting for us to take hold of somebody else’s reigns because we convince ourselves that we can do for them what we are still trying to master for ourselves. When laid out like this the dots don’t connect very well, do they?
Our issues surrounding control and subsequent fear are partly because we are genetically linked to ancestors who had to look around every corner to make sure they would not get attacked by lions and bears as they searched for food, and partly because those instincts have been made more complex, heightened, and confused by what the world is today.
We live in a world filled with overwhelm and overstimulation to the point where we have somewhat lost or buried deep our connections to communities and one another that allowed us to feel a measure of protection and safety even during the uncertainties of man’s early existence. No longer focused within, overtaken by what is all around us, we do not have the same sense of each other that we once had, and deep down in places we do not talk about at parties we have lost a great deal of trust in our own species.
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When we find a past time that we enjoy, driven by passion, we focus on it and engage with gusto instead of unintentionally ignoring it by attempting to look for control in everything and everyone around us. How can we do the same with respect to self-awareness?
Is self-awareness worth just a little bit of our time and consistency?
What will allow us to become passionate about self-awareness, like we so often are with respect to other pursuits?
Thought-provokingly, to be passionate about self-awareness means that we are passionate about ourselves.
What stops so many of us from being passionate about ourselves?
Too many of us have a hard time accepting ourselves, being proud of ourselves, loving ourselves and, the biggest one, being patient with and encouraging towards ourselves. All of this makes the pursuit of self-awareness quite uncomfortable, to say the least.
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Perhaps we were not introduced to and taught such important skills in our developmental years, or, if we had been, perhaps they were not solidified during the earlier years of our adulthood. In the saddest of cases, somebody or more than one somebody may have systemically chipped away at another person’s sense of self and opportunities.
After a time, that person looks around and realizes they were not left holding much at all. Being saddled with the difficult task of discovering how to build those things from scratch is an arduous undertaking. Although perceived as a very unfortunate thing to have experienced, self-awareness can help us recognize that when we suffer consistently and deeply, we then have the ability and know-how for more rooted empathy towards others in pain, in sorrow, and in despair.
Nothing happens to us in life that is not purposeful, we may not want it, but there is purpose in it if we can see the value in understanding how we tick and why we tick in the ways that we do. Even if the answers take a long time to present themselves, there are reasons for all of life’s happenings that are worth knowing. Waste not, want not.
The exploration of self-awareness is a direct road to one’s true purpose and greatest potential.
We can end up spending so much time trying to figure out the “meaning” in our lives by hemming and hawing over this or that, all because we miss the value in focusing on awareness towards ourselves.
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Another reason for our shortcomings with respect to self-awareness is that we may see it as a self-indulgent exercise in a society built upon expansive judgement. We are too often unable to forget about everybody else, clear our minds, quiet the noise, and simply ask ourselves the right questions to allow us to choose whatever road we are drawn to choose.
Human beings are often uneasy when it comes to giving others the benefit of the doubt and cutting people slack. These actions, however, support freedom of choice and are seen as a gift, when offered, because trust can be so difficult for many. This is only because we ourselves have been disappointed by others. As others have not made it easy on us, we have learned to do the same in turn. Sometimes we do not realize how very harsh we are due to our experiences.
Yes, we all live in the same world, but our circumstances have given us very different realities.
Observing from the outskirts or from a distance we may accuse another of being silly, crazy, or unintelligent should they behave as if their lives are over for what we may ourselves deem as the most trivial of things.
An inconvenience to some, such as breaking a piece of glass, getting into a fender bender, missing an appointment, getting something brand new dirty, failing when trying something new, gaining a few pounds over a long weekend and so on, can to others literally feel like the end of the world as we know it and can cause us to just fall apart completely and on the spot.
What one may see as unreasonable could not be more valid to another who was perhaps accustomed to being punished and demeaned for what might appear to you as the pettiest of things.
Remember that abuse knows no tact or standards.
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Such circumstances can play a huge part in our family dynamics as we move forward in life. We will always identify ourselves with respect to those we consider to be part of our inner circles, usually blood relatives, chosen family, or other attachment type figures. So, our lack of compassion for them in actuality is reflective of a lack of compassion for ourselves.
In other words, if we were once upon a time presented with obstacles surrounding how we look, our successes, our loves and wishes, the expression of our emotions, our thought process, etc. then we will quite often struggle to offer understanding and support to those closest to us in those same exact areas later on. This is why starting with our own selves is such a necessity to us then being able to radiate compassion and understanding where it is most needed and frankly deserved.
When I consider this realization, I always think of the raw simplicity of the timeless Aesop fable known as The Young Crab and His Mother. The moral of this fable is to practice what we preach as there is no better teacher than exercised experience.
Note: I for one think all adults should make it a point to go back and read through a bunch of Aesop’s fables every now and again, because I have recognized that somewhere along the way, in the rigmarole of life, we end up forgetting the simplest of truths and the most valuable of rudimentary morals.
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Another possibility to explore as it pertains to our sometimes inability to connect with self-awareness is that we perhaps have not yet found our own voice or belief system because we are lost in what we see as the safety of the crowd, or the need for acceptance and inclusion. As social beings by nature we hate to feel ostracized or forgotten. However, I truly wish we spent as much time actually analyzing ourselves as we do worry about the thoughts and beliefs of others in relation to us analyzing ourselves.
Social creatures or not, there are instances where we need to stand apart, stay in our own lane, and focus our attention on changing/building our own individual attitudes, thoughts, actions, boundaries, needs, etc. for our own personal betterment.
Nurturing self-awareness is the key to us knowing when to separate and when to join.
This will help our relationships by harboring opportunities for development having worked to create an honest foundation built on stability and poised to thrive.
If we are not enough by ourselves, we will never be enough with anybody else.
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In interpersonal experiences how often do we say to ourselves “that person needs to do this or change that”? We are all guilty of this on the regular. Heaven, forbid we turn that wisdom upon ourselves and let loose.
We become so wrapped up in trying to manage other people and push them into things we think they should need or want, but if we just opened our eyes, we would see clearly that we are only interfering with their own sense of self.
Show yourself favor by taking responsibility for your own self and show others respect, whether you think they have earned it or not, by letting them take responsibility for themselves. Doing that means we are putting in the work on ourselves. That is what should hold importance.
It is more than O.K. if certain relationships, situations, interactions, etc. are unacceptable for us. What is not acceptable is lashing out at them because of how we feel, which they are not responsible for, or in the background whining about them, which only undermines our own unfolding self-awareness journey.
We need to stop thinking of all the ways the other party or parties need to change and start changing how we allow those experiences and people to take space in our lives and even more importantly how we respond.
Let them figure themselves out or unfortunately not figure themselves out, as that is their problem not yours, unless you for whatever reason decide to end up making it yours. I really hope that you don’t because every person is worth more than that blatant misstep.
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To know ourselves is to improve ourselves is to improve the lives of those around us.
Nobody can be pigeonholed, to truly know someone requires a desired commitment to directed experience and personal engagement.
We can start telling ourselves a brand-new story about us anytime and anywhere. We have that power. The magic wand needed to help wield that power lies in self-awareness.
“I am going to make it appoint to eat healthier and exercise on the daily.”
“I am going to search for the positive in any negative experience that comes my way.”
“I am going to learn patience for myself to be able to better implement it with others.”
“I am choosing to organize my plans and surroundings.”
“I am going to choose my confidants wisely.”
“I am going to be aware of when I should not follow the crowd.”
and so on.
What do you want to take charge of and say to yourself you are going to do?
Don’t waste the gift of self-ownership by getting lost in someone else’s story.
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Dreamwork –
Do you maintain a curious nature as it pertains to you?
Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day and ponder beyond the superficial?
Dreams can unravel how our previous traumas are a driving force in our lives.
Dreams can help us to heal our wounds. They can be a beacon we turn to in our times of struggle.
Dreams may present us with our fears so as to face them.
We cannot blame others for our dreams, suggest that a dream we had is about somebody else, or fool ourselves into thinking that what we learn from them should be applied to those around us instead of ourselves.
Dreams are difficult because they make us vulnerable in that all roads, in some way, lead back to us.
The questions of us that we fear most can be answered through the looking glass of our dreams. The lessons offered are a means of personal empowerment.
If we can fully accept that we are the foundation, then those things that we wish to understand, or overcome, or experience can be made less daunting with time, space, and practice.
Poetry is often dream-like, indirectly bringing things to the surface for acceptance and subsequent healing under an obscure canopy. William Ernest Henley’s poem, Invictus, read with hope by Nelson Mandela during his many years in prison, is a direct look at perspectives in circumstance and self with respect to control and choice. A supplemental read to stimulate emotions in conjunction with the ideas presented in this article, perhaps offering further inspiration in ways not yet realized or in ways that we never dreamed possible.
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The second steppingstone, reflecting on untapped possibilties, in the fourth pathway, Embracing the unexpected through a differnt lens will become available on my blog, Dawning Descent, in due course.
If you were moved by anything that I had to contribute here please contact me regarding your experience. I am excited to travel this path and learn along with you. I look forward to our communications.
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